(as seen on Facebook Fanpage for Dana Marie)
A month ago, I told some friends I would finish this; that I would write what I meant. I couldn’t. Not then and I can barely finish this now. I am struggling with reality. The reality of who I am, who God wants me to be, the person I chose to be all those years ago. I’m struggling trying to find the encouraging words for a woman who has decided to just be content in her circumstances.
Single while married; You don’t have to be.
When I first started writing this “short story” I was looking at my own pain and heartache. As a woman, there is so much that we settle for that we don’t see who we really are. I mean I could really take this and make it exactly what YOU want it to be; to fill the void in your mind that the title is bringing. One thing I cannot let you think is that YOU ARE RIGHT.
Here is a portion of the book that will come when God let’s it:
“The one day came that all hell broke loose in their hearts. The one day that neither wanted to see, but neither could NOT stop from happening. The day they decided that there was nothing there; no more love or laughter. That each had their own agenda. That their differences could NOT keep them together and the hurt of one was tearing them apart.
It was never about holding or understanding, loving or learning, or even supporting, it was all about selfish motives and life experiences…….Single while married…”
That is what you want to hear. Yet that isn’t the entire truth of the singleness while married. The truth is that you, me, we created the relationship within the relationship. We put ourselves into a box that no one could touch and if they peeked in, we would snap the lid shut. How did we get there? We got there by letting them in, by showing them all of our stuff and they used it against us. NO this is not just about women, this is about men too. Men get hurt, but they hid it well. Women get hurt and leave it right on their sleeves. When the sleeve is full of the bleeding heart, we go into the box.
What was the point? Right? What was the point of even getting married, just to allow someone to hurt us. Men, you saw her beautiful self coming and spent time with her. You took the time to love her and take care of her no different than you do the others in your life. Women, he was your Denzel, your knight in shining armor, he was not the baby daddy, he was your husband; your children’s father. Yet, something deep inside both of you kept you from either sharing too much or not sharing at all.
Single while married.
You can’t get from a woman what you won’t accept from God. LOVE. You can’t trust a man if you can’t trust the LORD. You don’t have to be single while married you should have stayed single before you got to that altar and jumped the broom.
It’s called busy. Too busy looking, too busy filling a void with emptiness. It’s called listening to the negativity of life’s circumstances. Busy during happy hour covering your sadness with the two for one drinks. You were busy. Fellas! Ladies. You were so busy hiding from life you forgot who you were! No, no I”m not talking about what people come to like about you; I’m talking about that person God made you to be. Remember? The voice you heard all those years ago; you blew it off. That’s cool….but now you’re single, and blaming the other person.
You are being held together by a piece of paper that binds you by law, but what about the covenant you made before signing the paper? What about the stars in your glassy eyes that brought you to the altar. Oh yeah you messed up being busy and losing yourself, and not trusting in GOD. So now you’re married trying to start over with the single life and hope it meets up where you THINK you left off so as to risk not getting a divorce and losing yourself all over again, and again.
But you don’t have to be.
Start with asking God to help you keep this together. Show me ME LORD! Show me, I don’t want to throw in the towel. Say something. Ask God to forgive you for not trusting Him. Ask Him to handle this for you while you get closer to HIM. Then take a minute and remember why you got married. Forget the mistakes. God can forgive your past and I don’ care about your past. Think about why you loved them to say I do. Make that matter. Make that matter right now. If you feel like you are single while married because the bills aren’t paid, the cars don’t work, they weren’t what you thought they would be, stop trying to change the reality of LIFE and remember why you got married.
You don’t have to be alone in your marriage.
You have to look to the hills….(finish it)
You can do all things………(finish that)
Wives submit…………..(finish it)
Husbands love…………(finish it)
There is so much wrong with the Christian marriages ending in divorce, but we are supposed to be an example. If we can’t lean on the LORD in our house, how can we go to the church ‘house’ and ask the new saint to lean?
Your single life ended when you said I do. Stop looking at what you don’t have and praise God for what you do. Stop looking at your dreams broken and praise God that you can dream new dreams with your spouse.
She wasn’t designed to stay a brick house; she has to work at it.
He wasn’t designed to be what you wanted him to be; he was designed to be what GOD wanted him to be.
You don’t have to settle for less. Being single while married is forgetting who and whose you are; God never intended for the married to be bound by paper. They are to be as one; loving and living the life He destined for them. So you messed up. Jesus can fix it. You don’t have to be single while married.
I’m on my knees praying for all the marriages whether I know you or not. Reach out to the Lord and hear from HIM for yourself.